Your trolling skills leaves much to be desired.
When two tribes are amiable toward one another and are keeping up appearances of honesty, integrity, and loyalty, then when they recruit refugees it is, by tradition, an act of war. Very few tribes look at this and go "That's swell, keep on keeping on." unless they a) have their face buried so far up the other tribe that they can't see what they are doing or b) are frightened of the outcome should the other tribe hold their ground and insist they are keeping what they took.
In times of war, it's still taking in refugees, but it's fairly obvious that the warring sides aren't exactly concerned about the other threatening to attack if the individual is recruited. At that point formalities are gone: the facade has been lifted. Both sides know they are fighting one another and, as long as they keep it civil, the sky's the limit.
This is why it is considered ok to noble within another tribe's territory when at war, but not during times of peace. This is why it is ok to attack other players during a time of war, but considered an act of aggression during peace talks.
Not only is the English language a marvel, but social decorum has an array of nuances that are considered good to know.
As such: when a tribe discusses working together, takes in players you are warring during those talks, offers a hollow apology and does it a few more times, then it is considered recruiting refugees from another's war and an act of aggression.
When the opposing tribe decides the enemy of my enemy is my friend, pulls a 180, works together with your enemy, and begins sniping trains to slow you down, then recruits from those enemies as relationships are forged, it's considered a common tactic in war.
I sincerely hope that this little Tribal Wars 101 has provided some insight in what can appear to be a double-standard to those unfamiliar with how things sometimes work in the game.
