Hey Guys and Girls

DeletedUser

Guest
As some of you know I spend some of my free time writing stories and recently I have been thinking about writing the tale of my time on W20 as it comes to an end.

I will be using the names of people I have met over the years here and giving a rather elaborate version of the things that have happened but obviously I would not do this without permission from you all. It will be your in game names not real names that are used. If anyone has a problem with this or if you wish to offer some suggestions of certain things that you want in then please do let me know on here and I will see what I can do.

This morning I decided to write the opening so let me know what you think. By the way I mean no offence at anything I write, it is just fiction remember lol This is just a rough first draft and it will be edited later on as I wrote it quickly this morning lol

In the closing months of the century, war had torn the world apart.
Since the dawn of the land men had built and destroyed and over time factions had began to emerge. Mighty kingdoms sprung fourth and alliances were formed.
Leaders where appointed to govern not just one kingdom but thousands spread out across the world.
Then battle, blood and sweat took over from where diplomacy left off and those who once called each other friend became locked in bitter combat with one another on a field of betrayal.

Friends were lost in these days, once mighty rulers left the lands and headed for far away shores and now, in these dark times only a few remained.

It was from the ashes old alliances were broken and new ones formed and now across the broken plains the major factions drew swords against one another while in the darkness the greater threat loomed.

Long had the armies of darkness marched the land unchallenged, unchecked but now when all hope seemed lost, the last warriors of the land strode fourth and drew a line in the sand. A thresh hold that they would defend with their lives.

It was on the seventh day of the new alliances that they soon realised the challenge that faced them. The armies from the land of Prime moved forward against them and the warriors stood before an abyss awaiting the action of their allies. But instead of hope they were met with fear as the rulers from the land of S.A.W took cover and fled the battle.

Now, wounded and angry our warriors march out. Not for power, not for glory but with an agenda far greater than all, survival.
 
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ampac

Contributing Poster
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112
wow shak never realizedd your good at writing...Nice..:icon_razz:
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Obviously you have never been bored by one of my tribal mails lol

Thanks, I like to write and have a bout 6 stories on the go at the moment so this one may take some time but rest assured once it is making some progress I will let everyone know.
 

DeletedUser94059

Guest
i better be mentioned shak otherwise u in trouble haha only joking leave me be hahaha
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Your my hero

Hey. Why not, but try not to make it sound so flowery and poetry like. It gets in the way of the killing.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Hahaha don't worry Kip, there will be plenty of death. My stories have a way of taking a dark turn lol

Oh and for the Moderators don't worry you will not be left out, every civilization needs its Gods ;) lol
 

DeletedUser

Guest
you have my agrrement.. but i do ask 1 think.. if you will end by writing a book (publicized) i will want it for free(1 exemplar) with your dedication and you pay the mail sender :p

Good luck Shakari and have fun.
 

ampac

Contributing Poster
Reaction score
112
Hey. Why not, but try not to make it sound so flowery and poetry like. It gets in the way of the killing.

Kip..Nice I think blood and gore should be also in it .:icon_cool:

Hahaha don't worry Kip, there will be plenty of death. My stories have a way of taking a dark turn lol

Oh and for the Moderators don't worry you will not be left out, every civilization needs its Gods ;) lol

Heheheh, then ChaseX will be a She god:icon_razz:...Minus the seduction:icon_wink:

you have my agrrement.. but i do ask 1 think.. if you will end by writing a book (publicized) i will want it for free(1 exemplar) with your dedication and you pay the mail sender :p

Good luck Shakari and have fun.

Dorin lol, writting enough is hard but he paying for it...Hmmmmm Thats sounds good.:icon_razz:
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Ok, so I have rewritten the first part so it is not to political as I know there may be some that take offence. Yes there are spelling mistakes and it is not completely grammatically correct but I always write the whole thing then go back and edit lol I get a little carried away when I am writing lol Some names have been adapted a little to make them a little more suitable but I have tried to keep them close.

In the closing months of the century, war had torn the world apart.
Since the dawn of the land men had built and destroyed and over time factions had began to emerge. Mighty kingdoms sprung forth and alliances were formed.
Leaders were appointed to govern not just one kingdom but thousands spread out across the world.
Then battle, blood and sweat took over from where diplomacy left of and those who once called each other friend became locked in bitter combat with one another on a field of betrayal.
Friends were lost in these days, once mighty rulers left the lands and headed for far away shores and now, in these dark times only a few remained.
It was from the ashes old alliances were broken and new ones formed and now across the broken plains the major factions drew swords against one another while in the darkness the greater threat loomed.
Long had the armies of darkness marched the land unchallenged, unchecked but now when all hope seemed lost, the last warriors of the land strode forth and drew a line in the sand, a threshold that they would defend with their lives, in one last bid to drive back the forces that threatened their very existence.
It was on the seventh day of the new alliances that they soon realised the challenge that faced them. The armies from the West moved forward against them and the warriors stood before an abyss awaiting the action of their allies. But instead of hope they were met with fear as many of the rulers from the East fled the battle and swore an oath with the dark forces.
Now, wounded and angry our warriors march out. Not for power, not for glory but with an agenda far greater than all, survival.

* * *

The Forum, the last neutral realm in the land, stood tall and proud in the centre of the world, its white washed stone walls and high golden roofs could be seen from all corners of the land. Beyond the large oak doors of the main gate the stone pathway split into three, each one leading to a different area of the grounds.
The left path was for representatives of the alliances to discuss matters of diplomacy. The hall had a large main hall for public discussion and other smaller rooms for diplomats to discuss private matters. The central path led up the hill side to a large round structure, this building was used as a meeting place for the tribal leaders. It too contained a large inner room and separate smaller chambers.
The right walkway wound its way the back of the grounds and down to the lake. Here is where the other rulers of kingdoms gathered. Each faction was permitted the presence of two barons. The barons helped the leaders of the alliances manage the general running of the kingdoms.
Always present in all meetings at The Forum were the Gods of the land, ever watchful over the proceedings that took place and ensured that things did not get out of hand in the neutral lands. They held power over all with the confines of the grounds, though once out on the plains they had little influence of matters but every now and then they would wander the land and deal punishment to those who disrespected or doubted them. All respected and feared the Gods as they were fickle and with the correct offering they could be swayed in your favour.
Private quarters were spread out across the grounds for the representatives to stay in on the eve of talks. One night only was permitted and your room was chosen upon your arrival, this helped reduce the risks of problems arising between warring factions.
It was a cool summer’s morning and a soft breeze crossed the land cooling the four travellers that headed for the months gathering. The soft sound of hooves on grass was lost beneath the idle chatter that had filled their two day journey.
They had come from the Eastern lands on horse back and even with the rests they had each one was starting to feel the aches the journey caused every rotation. The men had not always been allies but a deep respect for one another could be heard in their voices and it was this that bound them to one another. Each of them had laid his life on the line for the other time and time again they would not hesitate to do so in the future.
It had been just after dawn that they had broken camp and headed off on the final stage of their journey. The first of the riders was Lord Hymns, the first of the leaders of the Eastern lands. He was fondly referred as the Jester. Although strong on the battlefield his quick reaction had been the cause of many conflicts though out his life not always out of the kingdom he governed. Having lived well for 48 years his body had began to show a life of fine dining and as much as he tried to hide it the bulge around his stomach got bigger every month. This did not shy him away from battle though, his sword was almost as quick as his tongue.
Alongside him rode Lord Dennison, the most seasoned member of the group. Having seen almost as many seasons as he had battles Dennison was one of the more widely known rulers of a kingdom. His dealings and manners across the land has resulted in him being exiled by the Gods only recently returning to rule his kingdom after his twisted son took over leadership and almost destroyed everything that he had created. The toils of battle had taken its fee from Dennison and his face was decorated with many scars, which he claimed made him more appealing to the women of his realm.
Lord Trib was next in the group, the youngest of them all, he was new to his throne after the recent death of his father, Arakius. His youth sometimes got the better of him but his charms soon won over anyone he managed to annoy. He had seen battle from his father’s side but in recent months it was he that led the charge. Trib had much to learn in the ways of leadership though and was being guided by Hymns and Dennison, two of his father’s closest friends.
Finally was Lord Shakari, he had seen more battles than any of his age and his scars were mental rather than physical. Over the years he had led his armies on many grand campaigns, all of which resulted in a bloody victory. However they had left images in his mind that invaded his sleep and subsequently the once mild mannered warrior now held a thirst for battle in recent months.
The four men talked of old times and shared amusing stories of Trib’s father and the things he used to get up to at the meetings. Trib’s nerves were beginning to show as this was his first visit to The Forum and he had much to live up to in his father’s shadow.
 

aakminer1234

Guest
Awesome stuff. I want to be a part of it... :)

Can I be your editor Shakari? Something that you put so much effort in, should be grammatically sound.
Although I do not claim to be an expert in English, I think I can provide some assistance. But in all seriousness, best story I have ever read so far!

I underlined the changes and/or places where I think you should change it a bit.

Ok, so I have rewritten the first part so it is not to political as I know there may be some that take offence. Yes there are spelling mistakes and it is not completely grammatically correct but I always write the whole thing then go back and edit lol I get a little carried away when I am writing lol Some names have been adapted a little to make them a little more suitable but I have tried to keep them close.

In the closing months of the century, war had torn the world apart.
Since the dawn of the land, men had built and destroyed and over time factions had began to emerge. Mighty kingdoms sprung forth and alliances were formed.
Leaders were appointed to govern, not just one kingdom, but thousands spread out across the world.
Then battle, blood and sweat took over from where diplomacy left of and those who once called each other friends became locked in bitter combat with one another on a field of betrayal.
Friends were lost in these days, once mighty rulers left the lands and headed for far away shores and now, in these dark times only a few remain.
It was from the ashes of old, broken alliances that new ones formed, and now across the broken plains the major factions drew swords against one another while in the darkness the greater threat loomed.
Long had the armies of darkness marched the land unchallenged and unchecked but now when all hope seemed lost, the last warriors of the land strode forth and drew a line in the sand, a threshold that they would defend with their lives, in one last bid to drive back the forces that threatened their very existence.
It was on the seventh day of the new alliances that they soon realised the challenge that faced them. The armies from the West moved forward against them and the warriors stood before an abyss, awaiting the action of their allies. But instead of hope they were met with fear as many of the rulers from the East fled the battle and swore an oath with the dark forces.
Now, wounded and angry our warriors march out. Not for power, not for glory, but with an agenda far greater than all, survival.

* * *

The Forum, the last neutral realm in the land, stood tall and proud in the centre of the world, its white-washed stone walls and high golden roofs could be seen from all corners of the land. Beyond the large oak doors of the main gate the stone pathway split into three, each one leading to a different area of the grounds.
The left path was for representatives of the alliances to discuss matters of diplomacy. The hall had a large main hall for public discussion and other smaller rooms for diplomats to discuss private matters. The central path led up the hill side to a large round structure, this building was used as a meeting place for the tribal leaders. It too contained a large inner room and separate smaller chambers.
The right walkway wound its way the back of the grounds and down to the lake. Here is where the other rulers of kingdoms gathered. Each faction was permitted the presence of two barons. The barons helped the leaders of the alliances manage the general running of the kingdoms.
Always present in all meetings at The Forum were the Gods of the land, ever watchful over the proceedings that took place and ensured that things did not get out of hand in the neutral lands. They held power over all within the confines of the grounds, though once out on the plains they had little influence of matters but every now and then they would wander the land and deal punishment to those who disrespected or doubted them. All respected and feared the Gods as they were fickle and with the correct offering they could be swayed in your favour.
Private quarters were spread out across the grounds for the representatives to stay in on the eve of talks. Only a one night stay was permitted and your room was chosen upon your arrival, this helped reduce the risks of problems arising between warring factions.
It was a cool summer morning and a soft breeze crossed the land cooling the four travellers that headed for the months gathering. The soft sound of hooves on grass was lost beneath the idle chatter that had filled their two day journey.
They had come from the Eastern lands on horse back and even with the rests they had each one was starting to feel the aches the journey caused every rotation???. The men had not always been allies but a deep respect for one another could be heard in their voices and it was this that bound them to one another. Each of them had laid their life on the line for the other time and time again and they would not hesitate to do so in the future.
It had been just after dawn that they had broken camp and headed off on the final stage of their journey. The first of the riders was Lord Hymns, the first of the leaders of the Eastern lands. He was fondly referred as the Jester. Although strong on the battlefield, his quick reaction had been the cause of many conflicts, through out his life not always out of the kingdom he governed ???. Having lived well for 48 years, his body had began to show a life of fine dining and as much as he tried to hide it the bulge around his stomach got bigger every month. This did not shy him away from battle though, his sword was almost as quick as his tongue.
Alongside him rode Lord Dennison, the most seasoned member of the group. Having seen almost as many seasons as he had battles, Dennison was one of the more widely known rulers of a kingdom. His dealings and manners across the land has resulted in him being exiled by the Gods only recently returning to rule his kingdom after his twisted son took over leadership and almost destroyed everything that he had created. The toils of battle had taken its fee from Dennison and his face was decorated with many scars, which he claimed made him more appealing to the women of his realm.
Lord Trib was next in the group, the youngest of them all, he was new to his throne after the recent death of his father, Arakius. His youth sometimes got the better of him but his charms soon won over anyone he managed to annoy. He had seen battle from his father’s side but in recent months it was he that led the charge. Trib had much to learn in the ways of leadership though, and was being guided by Hymns and Dennison, two of his father’s closest friends.
Finally was Lord Shakari, he had seen more battles than any of his age, and his scars were mental rather than physical. Over the years he had led his armies on many grand campaigns, all of which resulted in a bloody victory. However they had left images in his mind that invaded his sleep and subsequently the once mild mannered warrior now held a thirst for battle in recent months.
The four men talked of old times and shared amusing stories of Trib’s father and the things he used to get up to??? at the meetings. Trib’s nerves were beginning to show as this was his first visit to The Forum and he had much to live up to in his father’s shadow.


Just finished reading it again. WOW!

I must admit though that the first part (shorter) had more of an impact than the other, in fair criticism.


Excerpt from Shakari's next section: (JOKE!)
[SPOIL]Lord Shakari, on his journey back to the Eastern Lands, after his visit to The Forum, got hit in the head by a rock. After gaining consciousness, his companions realized that he had lost all senses and abandoned him there. In his ample time and lack of any other skill, he decided to write gibberish, which in the end turned into the masterpiece you just read! Bravo Lord Shakari![/SPOIL]
 
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DeletedUser

Guest
omg shak. you are amazing. you will have to foward me the links to your other stories as i didnt get the whole thing on FB. but seriously amazing. i like how arakius is my father! i def looked up to him as such. =)
 

rich26ca

Guest
what you left me out... for shame.... for shame.... lol ;D good work mate ;D
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Its still in the process Rich, don't worry I have a bridge defending troll that needs a name ;)
 
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