Jokes

DeletedUser

Guest
The Cab Driver And the Nun


A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to
ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun
fulfills his fantasy.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"


"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm
married and a I'm a Baptist."


The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

biggrin.gif
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Augustus Aro said:
The Cab Driver And the Nun


A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to
ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun
fulfills his fantasy.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"


"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm
married and a I'm a Baptist."


The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

biggrin.gif
Click to expand...

Hahahahahahhaahah, Ouch Burn, that guy must feel real lucky ater knowing that shes a guy Bhahahaha
 

DeletedUser

Guest
One day a priest and a golfer went to play golf together. The golfer was playing pretty well at first but when he finally got close to the hole, he hit the ball but it missed by inches and becoming upset at this, he said "Oh damn! I missed!"

The priest gasped and said "My friend, please, I request you not to swear or else God will punish you!"

The golfer just ignored him and went back to his game. After taking a deep breath, he hit the ball much more slowly and accurately this time but it missed the hole by centimeters. He got angry and once again said "Oh damn! I missed!"

The priest became really upset at this and told him "My friend, I cannot stand this any longer! This is your last warning, next time you swear, God will surely punish you. Please my friend, heed my warnings!"

The golfer was an atheist and became quite annoyed at the priest for saying this but he decided to ignore him for one last time and go back to the game. He put all his focus onto the ball and the hole taking everything else off his mind. He was giving more concentration to the game than he had ever done before as he was determined to get the ball in this time. Taking in a deep breath, he made a final hit on the ball but this time, it missed the hole by millimeters.

The golfer could not believe his bad luck and with rage flowing through his veins, he screamed out in anger "Oh Damn! I missed!"

Suddenly the skies above the two men filled up with dark clouds which surrounded them and out of nowhere a huge lightning bolt came down and struck the priest dead.

Just then, from above the clouds a heavy and loud voice sounded "Oh damn! I missed!"
 
Last edited by a moderator:

DeletedUser

Guest
looks like no-one liked my joke there and frankly it was the best I had... :icon_sad:


Ah well, ill just have to wait till SuperWolfie comes on and cheers meh up again with her awesomeness :)

that condom in the car joke is still at the first place in my books.. hmm, maybe we should have a voting sometime later.. what do you guys think?
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Sight said:
One day a priest and a golfer went to play golf together. The golfer was playing pretty well at first but when he finally got close to the hole, he hit the ball but it missed by inches and becoming upset at this, he said "Oh damn! I missed!"

The priest gasped and said "My friend, please, I request you not to swear or else God will punish you!"

The golfer just ignored him and went back to his game. After taking a deep breath, he hit the ball much more slowly and accurately this time but it missed the hole by centimeters. He got angry and once again said "Oh damn! I missed!"

The priest became really upset at this and told him "My friend, I cannot stand this any longer! This is your last warning, next time you swear, God will surely punish you. Please my friend, heed my warnings!"

The golfer was an atheist and became quite annoyed at the priest for saying this but he decided to ignore him for one last time and go back to the game. He put all his focus onto the ball and the hole taking everything else off his mind. He was giving more concentration to the game than he had ever done before as he was determined to get the ball in this time. Taking in a deep breath, he made a final hit on the ball but this time, it missed the hole by millimeters.

The golfer could not believe his bad luck and with rage flowing through his veins, he screamed out in anger "Oh Damn! I missed!"

Suddenly the skies above the two men filled up with dark clouds which surrounded them and out of nowhere a huge lightning bolt came down and struck the priest dead.

Just then, from above the clouds a heavy and loud voice sounded "Oh damn! I missed!"
Click to expand...

you posted it while I was sleeping but it is very good.:lol:
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Before she even revealed her ign...not that no one dosen't know it.

Lets get back to the jokes :)
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Oh shes not banned ingame ;)

and her identity is quite unknown waza waza waza up
 

DeletedUser

Guest
I knew she wasn't banned ig, but now she's not on the forum to tell us her super secret identity
 

DeletedUser

Guest
[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"[/FONT]
 

DeletedUser

Guest
[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.[/FONT]
 

DeletedUser59064

Guest
A little older joke, but i still laugh when i read it... :lol:

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"
 
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