Jokes

DeletedUser

Guest
just trying to spice the w44 forums up a little....
paste some good jokes here and head of topic a bit....
but no rasist or offensive jokes please....
what do u call an aussie in a ferarri?
a thief :p
oh wait im an aussie, damn it
 

DeletedUser

Guest
lol

Beer contains female hormones!
Last month LSU scientists released the results of a recent analysis
that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should
take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is beer
contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens); therefore,
by drinking enough beer, men can turn into women!
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within a one-
hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obliviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn't drive.
7. Failed to think rationally.
8. Had to sit down to urinate.
No further testing was considered necessary.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
thanks mate :)

i like this one more

jeff was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

jeff has been missing since Friday.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
3 guys, a redhead, a brunette and a blond, get deserted on an island in the Pacific after a shipwreck. While fishing for food they come across a bottle. The redhead starts to clean it off when, to all their amazement, a genie emerges. "I will grant you 3 wishes. You each have only 1 wish so wish wisely", he states. The redhead wishes for a beautiful house in Malibu, California equipped with all the finer things including a model wife. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* he is gone. The brunette wishes for a small town country farm house in the middle of America. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* he is gone. The blond, looking very distraught, can barely speak. The genie asks what the problem is. "I miss my friends. I wish I can be with them again" says the blond. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* the redhead and brunette are back on the island.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Vilja said:
3 guys, a redhead, a brunette and a blond, get deserted on an island in the Pacific after a shipwreck. While fishing for food they come across a bottle. The redhead starts to clean it off when, to all their amazement, a genie emerges. "I will grant you 3 wishes. You each have only 1 wish so wish wisely", he states. The redhead wishes for a beautiful house in Malibu, California equipped with all the finer things including a model wife. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* he is gone. The brunette wishes for a small town country farm house in the middle of America. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* he is gone. The blond, looking very distraught, can barely speak. The genie asks what the problem is. "I miss my friends. I wish I can be with them again" says the blond. "Your wish is granted", says the genie and *poof* the redhead and brunette are back on the island.
Click to expand...

LOL! Another one like that. Except i cant be bothered to explain it in detail...

A smart red head, a cute brunette and a blonde are walking over a bridge. A monster pops up and says "I eat people who dont tell the truth, to get past me you need to tell me something about you." The red head goes first and say "I dont think im smart" so the monster eats her, the brunette says "I dont think im cute" so the monster eats her, the blonde says "I think" and the monster ate her suddenely :lol:
 

DeletedUser20195

Guest
LOLZ! at jokes


Heres one of my favorites and maybe one of the cheesiest.

What did the Bartender say to the Ham Sandwich?
 

Prizonerofwar

Guest
One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. the cannibals said, "if you do what we say, we wont kill you". so the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals.

So the cannibals said, "go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see".

So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, "put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression". The person then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.

The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, "put the cherries up your ass without making a facial expression". The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.

In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries "why did you start laughing?". The person replied, "i saw the third person come out with pineapples."
 

Prizonerofwar

Guest
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The police. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Of course anyone who knows me also knows these jokes are biased in my favor:

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
 

DeletedUser

Guest
priz...
those joke were really bad lol... so bad i laughed..
i got one
whats yellow and looks like a bucket
a yellow bucket :p
terrible i know
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Theres a brunette and 20 blondes hanging off the edge of a helicopter, it starts going down and one has to jump to make it lighter. The brunette says: "I will jump..."

All the blondes clap...
 

DeletedUser79613

Guest
A redhead and a blonde both jump off a 10 storey building. Which one lands first?

The red-head because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions. :p


A blonde cop pulls up a blonde driver one day. The blonde cop walks up to the side of the car and the driver winds the window down. The blonde cop asks "can i see your license please?".
The driver asks "what's that?".
The cop replies "Uhm it is something with a picture of you on it."
So the driver looks around and finds a mirror and looks at it and sees a picture of herself. Then gives it to the cop.
The cop then looks at it and says.. "oh if i had of known you were a cop, i wouldn't have pulled you up".

:)
 

DeletedUser

Guest
A blonde woman died and went to heaven. To get to heaven she has to climb a staircase with 100 steps. At each step, she hears a joke. If she laughs at any of the steps, she goes to hell. If she doesn't laugh, she goes to heaven. So the blonde starts walking up the stairs, one by one, but she just won't laugh. When she gets to the 99ths step, the blonde finally laughs. St. Peter asks, "Why did you laugh, you were only one step away." The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke."
 

DeletedUser

Guest
A lot of the really funny jokes I can remember are either racist jokes are not appropriate unfortunately.
 
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