The Book of Crispyanity.

  • Thread starter Queen of the Mermaids
  • Start date

Queen of the Mermaids

Guest
I, the high priest of new religion "Crispyanity" have discovered the holy testament brought upon us by the glorious lord and savior J. J. Crisp himself, "The Book of Crispyanity".

The first page of this book is elegant in its design, yet so simple. It inscribes the embodiment of this great religion, and act as our words of inspiration in hard times.

"Crisp > Chris > God > Meep > Krieger > everything else ever in the world > Zombie

Crisp goes back to front, roll your own god damn blunt."


The Crispan religion relies on this spiritual book as a guiding light in the way we live. It is not just our holy text, but our guide of life.

In chapter one of The Book of Crispyanity, Genesizzle, we are given the names of our three great deities (sub gods under J. J. Crisp); Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Because if you can't get snappy with it you better get crackilackin and pop dat ass back up.

Chapter two of The Book of Crispyanity, Crunchodus, depicts our horrific struggle against all odds to find the grail of swagger, and the holy round orange object with black lines (ball). Our ancestors journeyed through the desert of dessert to find the cave of crunch. The journey was four hundred twenty miles through mountains of chocolate cake and streams of lemonade. The temptation was almost too great to bear, and as our ancestors almost gave in to temptation, they reached the cave of crunch, resisting the dessert. Inside the cave they were met by J. J. Crisp and asked to prove their swagger. After proof was presented they were taught the ways of Crispyanity.

Perhaps the most important chapter of this book is chapter three, Cracklations. This book teaches the most essential ways of Crispyanity through the four commandments. They are as follows:

1. In all matters of principle, you will consider all of your brothers before the prostitutes you may have acquired through your troves of currency.

2. Thou shalt not let naysayers perspire on your swagger.

3. Round orange object with black lines is the holiest object of all, dedicate your life to it.

4. Acquire currency, fornicate women

Here it is also found that Crispyanity has no hell, only super awesome mega heaven. Those devout enough to enter will be welcomed with open arms, however the unfaithful will be permanently put in the line behind a bouncer with a list that they ARE NOT on.

​Crispyanity shields the faithful. There will be no repercussion from former gods as their swagger is not great enough to face us.

I name this day in history, 4/20, the day of creation.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Queen of the Mermaids

Guest
I declare this day in the Crispan religion, 4/21, the day of rest from blazin' too hard on 4/20.
 

DisplayOnly

Guest
Thou shalt not eat anymore funyuns or doritos. Thou shalt drink juice and eat healthy to replenish thy self with nutrients.
 

Queen of the Mermaids

Guest
Yes brother goldberg, however the next day shall return as normal to the commandments spoken of in the book of cracklations.
 

Queen of the Mermaids

Guest
As made clear before, Crispyanity shields the faithful.
 

roman01

Guest
Crispyanity? I'm mueslim, sorry to disappoint.

Mueslim > Crispyanity
 

Queen of the Mermaids

Guest
Where were you on the "We here at royalE" thread...

Crisp is our lord and savior, he rolls with the swagger money. Muesli um I have no idea what that is. Anyways.

Crisp > All.