The Weekly Chow: Kerfluffles in K44

Chow Time

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Hello all,

In our last post we promised to follow the war in K44.
Side 1:
Tribes: KekBye, RULE
Side 2:
Tribes: Warpig, Braver, Bio

Timeframe: Last month

Total conquers against opposite side:

Side 1:
Side 2: 4
Difference: 106

Points value of total conquers against opposite side:

Side 1:
Side 2: 9,560
Difference: 447,602

Well, it turns out there was no war, as all 3 tribes immediately collapsed / were repossessed by Kek. It turns out that the biggest battle in K44 was not the 3v2 gangbang that was promised, but rather a more personal battle.

In October 1940, Italy launched an assault on Greece. The attempted invasion was a total fiasco: 6 poorly organized divisions of the Italian army were so soundly defeated that the Greek counter-offensive threatened Italy herself. Alarmed by the threat poised, Germany was called in to help. Against the superior combined firepower of the German and Italian armies, the Greeks were soon overwhelmed. Historians argue however, that the Greek resistance during World War II, as operation Barbarossa (the German invasion of Russia) was delayed from May 15th to June 22nd. As is well known, the Russian winter stalled the German offensive and was a major contributor to the Axis defeat.
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Chapter 1: Shit
It was the morning of June 24th, and black had just woken up half an hour early to a half-forgotten phone notification sound. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, the phone displaying incoming attacks and lightly illuminating the room.
“Shit” black thought as he glanced at the girl whose name he was rapidly forgetting. “She was a lot prettier last night.”
A smile slowly spread across black’s face as his mind registered the incoming attacks.
“Finally!” he thought, dreaming of the formidable players to the east (Kekzero), west (Dont Mind Me) and south (Copelaax). “A worthy fight!” You don’t survive in a neighborhood like K44 without being prepared for a brawl.
Purple is Kek, dark purple/red is RULE, orange is GUNS. Blue is a collection of stoners standing under the 420 tag. I cannot remember what cyan is (we ran out of colors), but I don’t think they really matter.

He excitedly opened the tribalwars app to identify his new opponent. His smile evaporated.
CH1_A New Challenger.png

“Time to give up” black thought, as he abandoned the search for his briefs. “Sunk cost, she can keep them.”

These 40 something attacks were a f*^&*$% waste of black’s time. Had he really spent 3 years perfecting the (once famous now forgotten) nexus defense system to take on chumps like this? After a decade of retirement, black had hoped that someone competent would put his system to the test.

*label incomings to confirm all rams
*mass support nexus1 to key1
*mass support nexus2 to key2
*mass support nexus3 to key3
*mass mint extra resources

3 minutes later black began the long walk of shame back to his apartment.

Chapter 2: What the Hell?
The attacks peaked at 81 and stopped climbing. Being an accountant, and naturally clueless about these things, black wondered if this was some kind of cultural reference. “bold would know”, he thought, messaging his discord about the attacks. “For now let’s pretend like we get the joke and reciprocate."
CH2 Nom Nom Nom.png

Official Chow Time Discord Chat (bold is the salad, bubu is the minion, and black hasn’t figured out how to make a profile picture)
CH2 Chow Chat.png

Round 1 saw 5 battles where at least 500 units were involved. We were hoping/expecting more, but it seemed our aggressor was a bit short on troops.
CH2Reports Round 1.png
PSA1: All real nukes were towards a single nexus. This made it extremely clear where stiliks was targeting.

Chapter 3: Fuck It
By the second day black woke up hungover (although this time in his own apartment), Chow Time had nearly complete intel on Chump Time (patent pending).
CH3 1.png
*PSA2: Please don’t number your villages, it makes it way too easy for your enemies. The year is 2021, learn how the Groups feature works.

Having seen what a disaster the players on the stiliks account were, Chow Time decided they had no choice but to enjoy the all you can eat buffet that was stiliks. They virtually cheered this decision with bong hits; black smoked with a bowl upon the recommendation of his doctor to cut back and because the edibles were kicking in.

As the final dust settled in round 1, black and the Chow Time account could not believe the level of noob-ness that they had witnessed.

The first noble “train” (because only 3 nobles were included, the working theory is that the +5 loyalty item was used as some sort of ploy) was sent without even a clearing nuke.
CH3 train.png

At this point bold came to the realization that the playing field was actually even. Stiliks must be stoned as well.

Official Chow Time Discord Chat
bubu summed up the sentiment perfectly
ch3 5.png

I mean, come on there is a reason this guy is one of only 3 players to leave (or get kicked from) KekBye. The funniest part is they never hit the 40 person tribe limit, they just wanted him gone.
ch3 6.png

CH3 OD.png

It was hard to find a sober driver on the Chow Time account, and still they were killing twice as many troops as Stiliks (on defense, on offense, AND combined!).

Chow Time started early preparations for their offensive, other than that it was back to business as usual, leveraging the simple yet incredibly effective nexus defense system to move around stacks and take out the remaining nukes while scavenging at ¾ capacity.
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Chow Time

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Chapter 4: Must have been tequila
black woke up to the smell of booze and weed, and light shining in his eyes. “Where the fuck am I?” he asked himself, sitting up on the couch and looking around at the impressive collection of empty bottles and cans. black lipped his lips, tasting a hint of salt. “Must have been tequila”, he pondered, idly wondering where the night had brought him.

A sense of fear overtook black and he hurriedly checked his pockets. “Whew!” he thought as he felt the familiar shape of a joint in his pocket and lit it up. It was a close call, but today would not be the day black sobered up. Unsure where he was or who his host was, black decided he did not want to find out. He, decidedly (but indelicately) extricated himself from the mountain of empty booze and left.

black vaguely remembered something about a new crop of attacks last night, and checked his phone with his free hand while he smoked and stumbled home.
CH4 1.png

“Not a bad blackout defense” (pun intended), he muttered, before realizing there were other people on the street. Not for the first time and not for the last time, black thanked his younger self for the nexus defense; it made defending so easy.

The latest intel suggested his opponent was down to a single full nuke and 2 half nukes.
CH4 2.png

It seemed that the account’s ODD had risen quite a bit, which was surprising because Chow Time’s defense had barely been touched.
CH4 3.png

The updated battle stats did show that black&co had been too busy indulging themselves to send actual attacks. But at least the fakes had been convincing enough that stiliks popped a gold defense item.
CH4 4.png

The improbable 2:1 troop killing ratio had continued. black considered whether the Chump Time (patent pending) players were even bigger degenerates than the Chow Time cos, then dismissed this idea. Last night bold had been fully incapacitated, people were still looking for bubu, and black, well, what could be remembered is documented above.
CH4 5.png

Chapter 5: If you can't beat them, join them
The clubs were finally reopening in black’s home city, so he doesn’t remember sending the embarrassingly poorly timed attacks. And in general the day’s details are fuzzy, so this chapter will be brief. bold was recovering from a 3 day bender and while bubu had finally been located, he was offline for this portion of the story.
CH5 1.png

But black did remember laughing about a chat with Chump Time (patent pending), and after searching Discord found the reason why.
CH5 2.png
After his brilliant display of talent, who wouldn't want to coplay?

Desperation at its finest

CH5 3.png
PSA3: the paladin should always be assigned to a defensive village on this world for the support speedup

At this point, stiliks was broken and Chow Time starting capping villages. Which stiliks still possesses today by the barest of margins.

Part II: Germany attacks is due out for the next edition (presuming we can find someone on Chow Time sober enough to write it). Stay tuned for the next edition of your favorite, The Weekly Chow.

Credit where credit's due
For much of this skirmish, bold and bubu carried the account, while black drank, smoked, and partied. Which is not to say bold and bubu did not also partake in those activities. Just that they did while also diligently tagging incoming attacks, moving around stacks, and marking up stiliks villages.

And what would we have done without bold keeping the morale up? ← won still

bold after pulling 2 consecutive all-nighters partying.

black too drunk to read player names

Don't forget to drink water. Like, comment, subscribe, and smash the heck out of that bell icon!

- bubu
- black
- bold
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Non-stop Poster
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2 to 1 ratio isn't great for the defender.
You'd rather have more than 2.5.

Either way funny post
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Active Member
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Watching Chow Time's ODD skyrocket, I would say this is the last post we can expect from them. I wish them well, thanks for all the laughs!

Chow Time

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Watching Chow Time's ODD skyrocket, I would say this is the last post we can expect from them. I wish them well, thanks for all the laughs!

Fake news! You do realize that ODD means the other guy is losing troops right?

Lord Batan

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Warpig would put a better strong figth if they didn't betray Kirk us usually happens. Too bad, us Kirk knows how to defend tribe and Kek pay to win losers would have hard time.


Skilled Soldier 2020
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