Funny In-Game Mails

Cokie the Clown

This legitimately used to be one of my favorite threads. So, I shall start one here.

Not a great one by any means but it'll do to kick the thread off...
[spoil]context: after clearing 5 guys in the same tribe yesterday i finally get a response via mail

darbmeister Aug 25, 06:47
I am letting our tribe know I am available for sits pick on me I will show you who is boss

Cokie the Clown Aug 25, 06:54

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:01
I mean it leave our tribe alone, I personally won't attack you. I am a very experienced Player and am playing as Duke in world 73
I don't believe our council has been set up yet for diplomacy issues
But one player has expressed interest

Regards Darb :))

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:04
Nukes will soon be toast I believe that

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:05
I am helping our tribe learn the ins and outs of Tribal Wars as fast as possible

Regards Darb :))

Cokie the Clown Aug 25, 07:07
That's fine Darb i believe you. I was just picking on the inactive guys since my farms are disappearing. You understand i'm sure. Also i didn't clear your duke that was someone else not sure who though. What tribe do you lead in w73.

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:10
A very small one I hate offenses and eat nukes for Breakfast

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:10
That's my job and I love to do it

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:11
I am still learning actually how to lead a tribe

Cokie the Clown Aug 25, 07:14
Understandable. I was asking which tribe you lead in w73? Also who else has attacked your tribe recently? Just out of curiosity.

Oh it's good fun leading. I've never been great at it myself. Who is the duke at [ally]tri[/ally] now?

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:16
I would rather not say at the moment as I am not sure when the council will be set up

TDD (73)

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:17
You can see by looking at the overview

Cokie the Clown Aug 25, 07:20
Ah looks like you guys aren't having much luck there. It's unfortunate but sometimes it happens. How long have you been playing?

I can see what by looking at the overview?

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:21
Just 1 year But without stopping

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:22
The tribal overview

Cokie the Clown Aug 25, 07:23
[player]One less reason[/player](the duke) is no longer playing i believe. One year so you're fairly new.

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:25
Fairly I know everything

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:25
Just not experienced at leading

darbmeister Aug 25, 07:27
That would explain every thing Thanks letting tribe know now


The following is a conversation I had with one of my members in Axe before he was issued an invite. As you can tell, I played hard to get and pulled him in nicely! Now he's our cuddly, little Dwarf!

Also, the title of the conversation is "Ever been with a dwarf :>"

w00ter6 Jul 30, 15:16
Hey there little bro,

I am curious if your tribe has any plans to recruit to the south? I'd certainly be interested in joining in time, though, it would be best if there were 3 or 4 other quality players (with decent spread). 5 players out here would probably help you in your eventual war with party...assuming both tribes last long enough :)

Dwarven King Jul 30, 15:17
At this time, our tribe is full.

w00ter6 Jul 30, 15:20
Was it the dwarf joke? :)


Thanks for responding, let me know if you change your mind.

Dwarven King Jul 30, 15:21
No, just legitimately full. ^^

w00ter6 Jul 30, 15:24
You'd think you guys would be able to have a tribe twice as large though

Ba da dum

w00ter6 Jul 30, 15:24
Have fun :). Il harass you at some other time

Dwarven King Jul 30, 15:26

w00ter6 Aug 07, 00:26
Hi Again!

Are you guys looking for two good members to the south? Mez and I are both in the top 100 and would like to help out.

I realize you are probably full, but there is normally always an inactive member or two, no? :)


Dwarven King Aug 07, 00:42

w00ter6 Aug 07, 00:44
[player]Mezonis[/player] and I.

That said, we are being constantly probed by spartan, but we'll be more than happy to deal with that between the two of us. They haven't been an issue.

Dwarven King Aug 07, 03:16

w00ter6 Aug 07, 05:28

[insert crazy information my paranoid ass took out here]

Dwarven King Aug 07, 18:52
Actually, you grasped that pretty well.

w00ter6 Aug 08, 03:40
Knowing this is too early and that you guys are already a tight group, I'd just like to ask what you need for me to join the leadership. I'm not generally content just being a grunt.

Dwarven King Aug 08, 03:44
First off, stop being a grunt and be a Dwarf! xD

w00ter6 Aug 08, 03:46
Am a little grunt

Dwarven King Aug 08, 04:29
Be a Dwarf!

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:37
A grunt if a dwarf?

Dwarven King Aug 08, 04:39
No, a Dwarf is higher than a grunt.

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:40
I didn't think dwarves were higher than anything, on account of their verticality coefficients.

Dwarven King Aug 08, 04:42

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:42
*high five*

Dwarven King Aug 08, 04:43

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:44
I'll be honest with you, I made myself laugh loudly with what I said.

Dwarven King Aug 08, 04:45
...I dislike you.

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:51
Oh no my ankles!!

w00ter6 Aug 08, 04:51
Oh man, I'm going to hell.

We're such a joyous bunch. ^^

On the bright side, we were the only tribe brave (or dumb) enough to pull in two players trying to war with a whole tribe by themselves. Well...that tribe was 300. And we all see where they went!

...I gotta stop inviting crazy people into my tribe. ;-;
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Nobles N Nukes

I also enjoy this thread.

morningspear Aug 25, 12:45
Can you stop attacking me?

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 12:48
Why would I do that?

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:13
No reason?

morningspear Aug 25, 14:38
Because it's annoying and I'm playing this game to have fun not to be screwed over

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:39
I'm playing to win, I suggest restarting, you should be able to restart in the middle of your tribe?

morningspear Aug 25, 14:40
I started here after being invited by a few friends

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:41
Yeah if you restart you will be away from me and able to play as you want.

morningspear Aug 25, 14:43
Yeah but I won't be near my friends

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:45
You can have the option to restart in the middle of your tribe, if that fails you can restart in the North West.

morningspear Aug 25, 14:46
No, real life friends not tribe friends.

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:47
Are your friends not in your tribe?

morningspear Aug 25, 14:49

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:56
Slight dilemma here then, are your friends going to help get rid of me? Or just let me farm you?

morningspear Aug 25, 14:57
They're just going to let you farm me, none of us really have many troops yet

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 14:58
Who are your friends? Would you not rather just restart and have a good chance in this game?

morningspear Aug 25, 15:01
not telling you my friends or you'll farm them too, i'm fine for now

Nobles N Nukes Aug 25, 15:02
So now it's like a lucky dip?

morningspear Aug 25, 15:03
Probably, enjoy

Friends that let their friends be farmed? New to me.


I missed this thread also

and nuke they will be topping up their villas to stack him probs

Cokie the Clown

Borderline pro? On his most successful world he's made over 20 (yes 20!) conquers. Most are barbs and tribe mates.
yea i have about 200 mails with him... i should prolly just block him

darbmeister Aug 27, 01:17
I am a refugee huh I am done teaching and working constantly on killing your nuke be careful

darbmeister Aug 27, 01:22
Scouts really

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 01:33
Yes i only have scouts in my nuke. That's how i've managed to clear 8 of your ex tribe members.

darbmeister Aug 27, 01:38
Well you have choices you know because I am for sure no what to do as do I
I could A take 75% of your nuke with no resources
I could B take some with militia and keep building
Or C we could become partners I defend you/ you attack for me

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:11
Also D) i clear and cat you like i've been doing to everyone else

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:12
well then bring it fool

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:32
Scouts again send a fake dude

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:33
Or wait do you know what a fake is

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:35
No what is it?

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:37
ahh I found your weakness let me tell true reason about this

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:39
I have been plying this game for only one year

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:45
Oh no! What's my weakness?

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:46
send a fake dude

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:47

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:48
You think I am going to tell you lmao

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:49
Just tell me please.

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:49
you call me a refugee and then ask for my advice lmao

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:49
No put it in the forum

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:51
What's a forum???

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:52
Dude I am done with you I will not respond to any more of your mails attack me if you wish while I find a tribe

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:54
You play the bully very well

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:54
Haha i'm just playing. Seriously though what's this fake you speak of?

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:55
or as the pros call it bashers

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:56
I am not telling you what a fake is

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:57
R u pro?????

darbmeister Aug 27, 02:58
Al most all I will do is dodge and call militia

Cokie the Clown Aug 27, 02:59
Dodge what?

*at this point i sent him 150 fakes in about 40 seconds :p

darbmeister Aug 27, 03:01
Leave me alone


yea i have about 200 mails with him... i should prolly just block him

I giggled. :3

This guy is in a ten member tribe that is ranked 212. This is what I got.

liverpool543 Aug 27, 19:53
hi there,

after some discussion in our tribe we was wondering if you would like to join in with some kind of diplomatic relation with us. We've recently been through a rough patch where some members of our tribe have gone and joined the tribe that was launching fakes and reals on us and our other ally didnt understand the message of supporting us. Those 2 joined together has left us in a difficult situation and what our tribe needs is an ally that will support us as we will support them and also understand the meaning of the word support and not just launch fakes to keep the attackers occupied.

Maybe we can have some discussions, try work out whats the best way forward and hopefully we can come to some agreement.


Dwarven King Aug 28, 00:02
No thank you.

liverpool543 Aug 28, 00:03
any reason or just a no

Dwarven King Aug 28, 00:04
Have you bothered at all to check the map? Or did you just message everyone in the top ten? Your in K65. Axe is centered in K54.

Do you see the problem here?

liverpool543 Aug 28, 00:11
i see... sorry for wasting your tribe

Are people that desperate for safety? ;-;
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Sorry, it's the best I could do.

xillah Aug 29, 00:36
Welcome back,

By the time you read this you will see that I have cleared you of troops, knocked down your walls, and have begun catapulting your buildings.

I am going to turn your village into a farm over the next few days. You will have no barracks, smithy, or stable. When you try to rebuild I will knock it down again.

Any tribe that recruits you will have reports forwarded to them showing your state of affairs and you will be dissmissed as a refugee.

I don't want to sound negative, you had a good start and I think about 90% of the time you would have thrived. However, I can't have you in my vicinity so you need to go.

You have a couple of choices. You could hold onto your village for a week or two, try to dodge whatever troops you can recruit, and eventually backtime in an attempt to destroy me. This rarely works, it works even less on a world where scout reports show troops such as this one. If you do manage to win you will be so stunted someone else will start farming you.

Your second option is to restart. This is the option I would advise. You've only been on this world for a few days, I think you'll do alright in a less hostile environment. Click "Settings" then "Start Over", enter your password, and you will be given a new village with 4 days of player protection.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

PS: Give Steve my regards ;)

qualt Aug 29, 01:05
I say you have 1 week, Until you die. Goodluck.

xillah Aug 29, 01:07
Oh, it's on? Excellent!

I've been bored.

Good luck to you too mate.

Warm Regards

xillah Aug 29, 01:16
I would like to apologise to you.

While composing the original message I inadvertently added an extra 's' to 'dismissed'.

For crimes against spelling I should be shot with a barrel of monkey poop. Then killed, within a week.

Yours Faithfully

qualt Aug 29, 01:19
Ignored. Enjoy your last week, build up that juicy village for me.

qualt Aug 29, 03:05
Hiding place, hides 2k resources, can't be catapulted. Suck it.

His village name is now named "1 week til death". I've catted him down to pits and a warehouse, his hiding place has gone from level 4 to level 9. I'm genuinely rooting for the guy, I'll be well impressed if he pulls this off.


Careful xillah, he can hide 2K of each resource from you.


Contributing Poster
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I just don't understand the mindset of him. A players history is easily verifiable.
I'm not sure it is to be honest.

ALessonInPointWhoring Aug 19, 16:25
I just joined the world, and am looking for a tribe to join. I am not asking to join your tribe. I am inviting you to do your best to sell your tribe to me. ie. Convince me why I should join your tribe and what sets it apart from all the other tribes in the continent.

This continent has many tribes, most of them suck, maybe even all of them suck, but reading a tribes profile gives nowhere near enough information to determine whether or not a tribe sucks, whereas hearing how a leader of a tribe describes their tribe and how they attempt to sell it to potential members tells much more about the tribe.

Jaylew727 Aug 19, 16:49
With all due respect, someone with your comparative lack of experience shouldn't be going around requesting tribes to make sales pitches to them. You just joined this world, and your history on this game doesn't exactly jump off the screen. Do what the rest of new players do, mail tribes around you and request to join them.

ALessonInPointWhoring Aug 19, 17:06
With all due respect, you should learn how to speak to your superiors in a more appeasing tone if you aren't looking for the quickest exit from W76.

Jaylew727 Aug 19, 17:13
My superior? In what sense exactly? I'm just saying that at this point, with my tribe almost at capacity, there's no reason for me to try and sell my tribe to everyone in the area. They should be selling themselves to the big tribes. It's simple supply and demand.

Snipe This

lol to be fair your stats on that account aren't that great, 1 world with 11 caps and I think it was casual you had 84.
Not everyone knows who you are :)

But funny mail nonetheless


Contributing Poster
Reaction score
lol to be fair your stats on that account aren't that great, 1 world with 11 caps and I think it was casual you had 84.
Not everyone knows who you are :)

But funny mail nonetheless
The 84 was on high performance. But that was my point, TWStats doesn't always give a clear picture of someone's ability.

Snipe This

Oh sorry, i just saw a C. Oh right, everything just goes over my head :icon_eek:
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