ideas?

DeletedUser89005

Guest
ideas.
i dont know who knows or not (i know my lizzie does) but my daughter committed suicide on the 15th of august, yes i found her and yes its been hard to deal with (you can look at the irish news to confirm it, she made the front page) but what i am asking and its to the matured bunch is what kind of send off do you do... i have her cremated (she is still with me)and a plot etc.... but what after that.. how do i bring it to an end as such?
i want to move on but cant etc.. any ideas?
 

DeletedUser89005

Guest
and no, it was'nt drugs or drink related, she hung herself on her knees from her window 1 week after her boyfriend done the exact same thing.. (she followed him) and we cry and gern about having incomings..
 

Dallock

Guest
I'm sorry to here this Bert. Losing family is one of the worst feelings, I dont know how i'd feel if I ever lost mine.

Did she have favourite places to go? Countryside, beach, pub? My fathers ashes we're scattered on the 1st green of his golf club and then the members all threw a party.

The best kind of send off is one that celebrates her life, and leaves you with good memories no matter the pain you feel.

I wish you well Bert

Dal

Late edit - no need to spread them all, I understand the need to keep a memory close, but in spreading you give yourself other places to go and visit her.
 
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DeletedUser79621

Guest
Although she probably wasn't meant to tell me, Liz did tell me that she had died and it had made things hard for you, which is understandable.

I am really sorry for you Bert, I don't have kids of my own so i can't even begin to imagine how difficult this time is for you. I would agree with Dal on where to spread the ashes (if that is what you plan on doing)
 

DeletedUser79621

Guest
Even though we don't always agree Bert, I'm here if you need to talk about it.
 

Soberknight

Guest
First of al my sincere condoleances and wishes for strength to you and your wife. I just became father of a lovely daughter so this kind of news hits me harder, knowing how much love one has for ones kid.

About your question: its a real personal decision. When i was faced with the loss of my mother we decided to bury her so we could have a nice place to look after where we can remember her and 'visit'. Its still the only place on this earth where i cant keep my eyes dry, so it still helps me cope with my loss...

As you said yourself, whatever you decide, it should help you, your wife and other close ones to be able to move on and find a place to put your grieve.
 

DeletedUser87372

Guest
Bert, I was aware and held my tongue on it till you yourself mentioned it, as it is not my business. It is an incredibly difficult situation and one I do not ever want to have to go through. My sincere condolences to you and your family in this difficult time.

As far as what to do next, that is one that only you can answer, we can all just take a guess at it, but I agree with Dal in that it should be where she wanted to be, perhaps with her boyfriends ashes, perhaps at a childhood home, perhaps in the mountains, or perhaps in the ocean, I would keep some and put them in the plot you have so that you can visit her when you need someone to listen.

As far as getting beyond this troubling time, personally I feel having those you find dearest to your heart as close as possible to be the only answer, but that is how I deal with grief. Use this time to get closer with the others that you love, other children, girlfriend, family, etc.

I am here if you ever want to talk, hit me up on Skype any time.

Best regards,
John
 

writingfireangel

Guest
Dal had the best suggestion. We could only ever offer ideas and advice, but you knew her, where as we did not. You would know what she liked, where she liked, her personality etc. I am sure in time, you will know what to do, what is best :).


I am also very sorry for your loss, and I wish you and yours around you strength to step forward in life and hopefully be able to smile in memory instead of grieve.
 

DeletedUser89005

Guest
GEEZ LOUISE.. where do i begin..
thanks guys and gals... i guess i was just trying to grasp ideas as such.. my daughter (lizzie knows) lived with me from when she was 6 years old as has my boy also.. yes im a single parent... (mama is a real meanie).. i guess what it is im trying to ask is what after..i am paying for the funeral and costs myself(what it costs does not matter to me, she was my big gal) i have her remains being put in a graveyard over looking belfast, (our home town) but what after that is my real question, when i close my eyes i see her and feel her, i just dont know how to do or what to do, i feel wick about knowing i have to go to a graveyard, for me closing me eyes and just thinking, feeling does it for me.. is that wrong i dont know.. i have not spoken with anyone regarding this apart from you's as i feel like its as if i can trust you lot.. (dont know why.. i hate TLA..lol) but hopefully you can somehow see where it is i am coming from and what it is i mean...
and yes dal... you made sense and appeared sincere as did the rest.. im just looking to know what it is and must do now.. me heads pickled with it and believe me when i say it but having comeback to world 29 and me online friends has and is doing me good...
but most off all me lizzie is a star.. (ruthless bitch i know and a stalker but loyal, but then again how would ya want your chick to be)
BB24,..
 
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DeletedUser87372

Guest
People like Liz is the answer. You have to move on with your life, not to forget the past or about your special little girl, but to embrace her life and honour it by being an incredible person who improves the lives of others. In the immediate future, people like Liz will be there to help you in your time of need, they too may need help in their times of need to, so by being a great person, in my opinion, you are honouring those who you have loved and lost over the years.

I think you opening up to W29 on a whole you have already shown incredible signs of growth.
 

DeletedUser79621

Guest
It's going to take a long time and a lot of effort from you and your friends/family but we'll all be here for you. To help you with the eyes closed situation, try remembering her when she was happy and full of energy, also remember all the good times you had together.
 

mikey9points

Guest
Sorry Bert sad news indeed.

Make sure wherever the final resting place is its beautiful a place where the happy memories can be brought back.

Take care Bert.
 

u6s5l.

Guest
I'd like to also offer my condolences. I don't know you very well and have only just begun moderating these forums, but I can already see from your previous posts that you're an extremely entertaining person to talk to and a valued poster, and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you all the best.
 

DeletedUser89005

Guest
thanks guys and gals..
maybe you all aint bad after all..(but i'l still whack ya's) me head is just up where the sun dont shine at the minute, and have found the game to be something where i can take my mind off things, i dont know why but it feels as though i actually know some off you guys, where in reality the only one i do know is me lizzie... and without her i'd be lost.. she has been a star for me.. 3 years ive known her and thats 3 years i want too prolong.. but at the end of the day guys and gals i do need to get a reality check on things, life moves on and so must i.. i suppose posting crap here is in some way getting it of my chest and ask for you all to bear with it for now, i dont mean harm and dont wish it upon another and trust you all see it as just game related fun, as mikey will know and as he will understand from being a rangers fan.. its the craic and banter that keep us going..

so thanks guys and gals and dont take what i say personally.. i dont actually mean it... world 29 has been a world i will never forget... and that has been because of you...lol..
 
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DeletedUser79621

Guest
I don't think any of us have taken it personally, just a bit of online 'banter' as us youngens call it now. It's only a game after all, I doubt many of us are like we act on here in our real lives... Well, not as bad at least ^_^
 

Soberknight

Guest
Bert, Its the most used phrase for these situations, but nevertheless the truth: Only time can heal the wound.

The feeling you have right now will not go away but the frequency and pain will diminish.

When i lost my mother ( the only comparable loss i have felt in life) we went on vacation to his mother (my dad is italian) that year. I can recommend these kind of trips: take your time, try to change your surroundings for a little while and go to the place where you can think, relax, enjoy life and all those things.

For us the best thing of the trip was to go back to feelings of the past en recuperate.

Hope any of these posts help you, unfortunately no one can really help you but you and your family.

About world29: it has always been about war, but its never been personal. Same was when Sam had trouble and maybe there are more examples. What happened to you is something you dont want anyone to have to deal with.
 

lords of the emos

Guest
My prayers are with you and your son in what must be a truly awful time for you bert. I'm at a loss as to what to say when faced with tragedies such as this - everything I can think of sounds clichéd.


--------------------

It matters not how a man [or woman] dies, but how he [or she] lives. The act of dying is not of importance, it lasts so short a time.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
 

Drowned Dog

Guest
Sorry to hear about you loss Rob, my thoughts are with you.

Hugs and Kisses
DD
 

SIDEWINDER2966

Non-stop Poster
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ALL I'll say his you have my payers and bet wishes. When Jesus comes back Bert you will know it all, till then do not loose faith bud & may GOD be with you and yours always!