Hello,
You are receiving this Email because you sent me a message asking why I am attacking your village.
I receive many of these messages every day, and it would be very difficult to respond to them individually.
I will be using this form, provided by my Tribe, to respond.
I am scouting your village because: [Mark all that apply with "X"]
[ ] You Are a complete noob
[ ] You don't know how to spell in your mail
[ ] Your village people are ugly! Just look at them
[ ] If I say Look over there! You are stupid enough to look
[ ] Your village is big but not big enough
[ ] Your tribe have been peeing in my soup. This is how I get them back!
[ ] Your village is rich with resources! You are kind enough to share aren't you?
[ ] You are annoying
[ ] Your village has shiny things in it. Hehe Shiny things...
[ ] You were watching me in the shower
I am attacking your village because:
[ ] I'm not destroying you, I'm sending you to my fan club on the rim, where you'll find lots of people just like yourself
[ ] My axe men are just out on a pub crawl. Pay them no mind.
[ ] I'm capturing villages in a specific pattern on the world map, a smiley face to be exact
[ ] You are small
[ ] I would like to take over bigger villages but most of them are either too strong or have a strong tribe backing them up
[ ] Your English is lacking
[ ] Our tribes are at war; what's it like under that rock of yours?
[ ] You are obviously not active
[ ] I want more villages
[ ] You are whiny
[ ] You are close by, better targets are just too far for me to noble
[ ] You have failed to pay tribute, maybe if you would have sent me some protection resources like everyone else on this continent...
[ ] There is no need to justify this
[ ] Please? Stop? I don't know these words and I hate things I don't know
[ ] Because I can
Why I am farming you:
[ ] I want clay
[ ] I want wood
[ ] I want iron
[ ] I want porn
Why I am ennobling you:
[ ] Nobody Likes you
[ ] you’re useless
[ ] Your village is big but easy to noble
[ ] Your village is small but easy to noble
[ ] Your's has a bowling alley. Mine doesn’t
[ ] You have good resource mines
[ ] Nobody likes a crybaby
[ ] I want another village I have too many troops
[ ] If you don’t make this easy I will slap you through webcam
[ ] I just want to eat your people
[ ] We come in peace with plenty of troops and catapults
[ ] Bang Bang your dead 30 spears in your head!
[ ] I am getting tired of marking all these options
Furthermore:
[ ] You find this letter hilarious but serious at the same time
[ ] I found your pornography stash in your village. I want that pornography stash!
[ ] You continue mocking my tribe
[ ] You ate the peanut I wanted! My peanut
[ ] You’re all ass but where's the face?
[ ] You’re reading this on the toilet
[ ] You went to my village looking for a cheap Hotel. Nothings cheap in my village!
[ ] You’re having an affair with my spearmen by your axe men!
[ ] You went to the tribe computer and started watching porn on it
[ ] Your finding this letter really predictable
Furthermore I find that:
[ ] Your caps lock key is broken
[ ] I don't like the way your shoelaces are tied.
[ ] This is like taking candy from a baby, only instead of candy, it's a village and instead of a baby.... well I don't know nor care
[ ] Alternatively I could decide to simply farm you rather then a full-out takeover, but that would leave your resources vulnerable to others and my troops are above the trivial task of hauling resources
[ ] I'm pretty sure your shirt is on backwards
[ ] You taste of fear, I like the taste of fear
[ ] According to our intelligence your sheep are highly fertile
As well, you:
[ ] Fail to understand this game is called tribal WARS
[ ] Failed to give your village a proper name
[ ] Failed to give yourself a proper name
[ ] Could have seen this coming when I scouted you, yet failed to respond
While I see that you are now making efforts to defend your village through diplomatic means, I do not care because:
[ ] It is too late as I've already sent my nobles and cannot cancel them
[ ] TOTUS VESTRI TRIBUS ES BELONG NOBIS (Your entire tribe belongs to us)
[ ] TOTUS VESTRI VILLA ES BELONG NOBIS (Your entire villa belongs to us)
[ ] Your message has only infuriated me more
[ ] I'm bored and need someone to attack
We thank you for your message. We would like express that your message is important to us. We hope this form response has answered any of the questions you had. If you have any further questions or comments please feel free to:
Complain or whine to my leaders. They like a good laugh and would love to listen to you beg and cry
[add any additional comments here]
Thank you again,
YOUR NAME
